Do you have high expectations?
Do you have high expectations?
Happy Monday friends!
I hope you all had a wonderful weekend?
I am sharing something today that I have shared before as a previous guest blogger on another site, but which is so so relevant for us everyday of our lives! High expectations in the form of people bondage.
Having high expectations is interesting. On one hand it speaks of the fact that we think of someone quite highly in a certain area of our lives. But what happens when that person lets you down? When that guy, who you really believed liked you, didn’t call or text. That must have hurt. Or how about when your colleagues, friends or family members act in a way that confuses you, puts your back up or just deeply hurts you? What goes through your mind in those moments?
When we speak of people bondage we immediately think of someone whose actions are dictated by what others say and think about them. However, I would like to propose a different type of people bondage; our own high expectations of others. Our emotions get so tied into a particular instance or experience where someone deeply hurts our feelings or disregards them; and because we expect them to actually think about us, it drives the pain of the already pulsating wound even deeper into our hearts.
It’s hard to get over it.
We don’t want to get over it.
But at the same time, we know we must get over it; and so we want to get over it. It’s a mess.
Quite frankly I am a hot mess at times. I sink into a deep hole of self-pity coupled with the thoughts and belief that I deserve to let myself feel this way because I have been treated inconsiderately. My emotions are flying all over the place and I am really, really, really trying so hard to stay anchored to Christ and His healing Word.
On one such occasion I took myself to the feet of my Savior and I asked “Lord why is this situation really getting to me? Why do I feel so deeply overcome by all of this- and so emotionally connected to it.”
He showed me two things;
1. I care. Which is a beautiful thing.
2. I expect way too much from people without realising it. I am in bondage.
It is one thing to expect the best from somebody (we should expect good in others, and in all things) but it is another thing to anchor my entire hope on them. It was a difficult thing for me to understand initially, and to some extent I am still wrestling with it. Why would a parent not want to give the best of themselves to their children? Why would parents not want to be kind, loving, supportive, stern, compassionate and gentle with their children? Why would a friend not want to wholeheartedly love another friend and invest in that friendship? Why would a spouse not want to give their entire lives to another?
I placed a lot of hope in people and desired to place them on a pedestal to be worshipped. I desired friends that would be there no matter what, friends that would understand me; parents that would soften their heart toward me. In all of this I was seeking perfection in people’s behaviour. I suppose it was so that I could feel a sense of stability and confidence within myself. When I couldn’t find this in people, I began to grow deeply frustrated, even bitter in some cases; without realising that I was the one that I should have been frustrated with. There was no grace, mercy or reality in my expectations.
The Lord showed me that all hope, expectation and faith must be in Him alone. I must not split up my hope and put 50% in Jesus, and 50% in my boyfriend or my father or my mother. What then happens when that person lets me down? Half of my world crumbles! As hard as it was to receive I needed to hear this truth and to ask the Lord to help me truly absorb this with understanding.
I really love this quote by Ian Percy, “We judge others by their behaviour and ourselves by our intentions”. The truth is, we all want people to treat us well, love us, be on their best behaviour, understand us and what we are going through and behave as we would desire them to.
Proverbs 3:5-6 says; “Trust in the Lord with all your heart” (emphasis added); not with half of your heart, or a quarter of your heart. Our hearts must lean into Jesus all the time, everyday, constantly. It is hard when we are not accustomed to it; however this is the only place that provides stability and assurance. Nowhere else. The shelter and covering that is felt and known when we put our trust truly in Jesus to supply and fulfill all of our deepest needs and desires is incomparable to anything else.
Here is another scripture to encourage you (Psalm 118:8):
It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in people. It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in princes.
My prayer for you today sister is that you allow God to help you release others and sink into Him. Oh if we knew how much He longs to be our everything, we would run to him alone- everyday.
I am so excited to announce that in a few short weeks, The Echoes of My Heart journals will be launched (I am so excited! These journals are beautiful!!) and will be available on TEOHH shop to help encourage you towards greater intimacy with your Lord in your own quiet moments of reflection and study. These journals are meant to be a reflection of your heart in YOUR OWN walk. They are to encourage you to pen down your thoughts, desires, fears, struggles, prayers, testimonies. They are a private conversation between you and your Lord.
I pray that you will pick one up sis, and let me know how you are getting on with your journaling, reflection and study as you begin to realise that it is a very PERSONAL relationship that Jesus wants with YOU.
Praying for God’s best for you.