DO YOU DESIRE THE MAN, THE RING, OR THE WEDDING DAY?

DO YOU DESIRE THE MAN, THE RING, OR THE WEDDING DAY?

DO YOU DESIRE THE MAN, THE RING, OR THE WEDDING DAY?

I don’t know about you lady, but I suddenly sense a huge surge of weddings, proposals and incredible honeymoons happening all around me. Have you noticed it too? It seems like social media is full of weddings weddings weddings! It is truly beautiful seeing and (literally witnessing via hashtags) individuals making the life changing decision of entering into covenant with one another.

In the midst of all the buzz, excitement and congratulations, I cannot help but wonder how it feels for those who are yet to marry, those who are engaged and even those who are married. Does all this excitement about dresses, venues, rings and the best entertainment in town somehow turn our gaze (even if fleetingly) away from the magnitude and weight of the actual marriage itself?

This topic has been on my heart from the moment I started planning my own wedding last year. You can read about my amazing husband and I’s road to covenant and perfect, imperfect wedding in other posts.

I have overheard and been in the midst of several conversations among single and engaged ladies which consist of a lot of squeals, excitement and chatter about the ring, the proposal, and plans for the big day. I love all that talk, and as women it can be so thrilling to work on something that will create incredible memories for years to come.

In the midst of a particular conversation that I had when I was planning my own wedding, it suddenly struck me that perhaps we can fall into the temptation of giving a lot of attention to the externals, without devoting as much time on the actual relationship which is what endures long after the vows have been exchanged, the guests have arrived and departed, and the cake has been cut.

In our social media saturated world it is pretty much impossible not to see and swoon over the lavish and extravagant weddings that others share with us. Sharing is caring right? I have gleaned a lot of valuable tips from others and have literally gasped at some of the most stunning looking weddings that I personally have ever seen. However, in my swooning I discovered something else growing inside of me: discontentment, lack of focus and comparison. Have you experienced this?

I then started to wonder. Do I want the man? The ring? Or the wedding day? Of course I said the man. Where then did this feeling of discontentment for my portion come from?

If you dug deep into your heart. Would you be slyly upset if you received an engagement ring that was a totally different design to what you would have chosen for yourself? Would you feel like your wedding experience was less because your cake was ordered from M&S?

Many of us know and would agree that there is absolutely nothing wrong with an M&S cake, or a £50 engagement ring if it came from the heart of our beloved, and yet if this was our own experience against other peoples’ more lavish experiences, I wonder how we would truly feel?

Whether you are single, courting, engaged or married, I would like you to join me on a deep heart search. As incredible as the experiences of others are, we must guard our hearts against falling into the trap of measuring our own with theirs. In doing so we place an unnecessary burden upon our intended as well as ourselves, and we lose focus of the most important thing: The two individuals coming before God.

Do you know how incredible, powerful and divine marriage is? Do you know the power that God grants two people when they touch and agree under Him? It is colossal. You see, the actual union before Him is what is precious. Not the ring. Not the venue, and certainly not the dress and cake. They are all beautiful expressions of the most significant thing. It is the coming together, the joining of two to one another in God until death parts you.

Do we trade in this precious thing by making idols out of its objects of expression?

How can we be excited – and be demanding an out of this world proposal, ring, and wedding when we haven’t even adequately laid the foundation of Christ within ourselves and our relationship?

God requires us to wrestle with this, and develop more depth in Him. We need to bring more to our marriages than beautiful pictures of the day and the honeymoon. If we don’t, we place undue pressure on our partners, and ourselves. All sorts of insecurities crop up and remain if we do not release comparison and shallow things from our hearts. Admire and be happy about objects, but release the grip they have on your heart.

“Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to Your name give glory, for the sake of Your steadfast love and Your faithfulness” (Psalms 115:1)

Whether you are already married, currently in the wedding planning process, in a courtship or single, take delight in the fact that God has a brilliant and unique purpose for weddings and marriages which is outside of external factors. So through it all, our excitement must be rooted and flow from our relationship with Him.

I created 4 beautiful printables to give us constant reminders and tips on how to remain content with our portion, and how to live with a sober perspective when it comes to marriage. Download them for yourself, or a lovely lady that could use some encouragement and love. I hope you are blessed.

Praying for God’s best for you

Alethea x

Tips for the married woman

Download the FREE printable!

Tips for the single woman

Download the FREE printable!

Tips for the courting woman

Download the FREE printable!

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I am so excited to announce the recent launch of The Echoes of My Heart journals to help encourage you toward greater intimacy with your Lord in your own quiet moments of reflection and study. I pray that you will purchase one and be immensely blessed as you begin to journal, or continue to journal in your relationship with the Lord. 

You can read the popular blog post that I wrote about journaling HERE

YOU CAN PURCHASE A JOURNAL HERE

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13 Comments
  • Tamera Osaro says:

    This was truly refreshing! Such wisdom and a timely word to share for us ladies, greatly appreciated Alethea, God bless x

  • Akosua says:

    I agree very timely and a great reminder! Thank you Alethea x

  • Thando N says:

    Oh my goodness!!!!This has challenged me so much(got alot of intropsection to do). I am currently in a courtship and you know what it’s so easy to fall for this wedding day hype in conversation with friends that I do realise that I need to slow myself down here and there when my mind gets clouded with ‘big day’ and a comparative nature seeping in. Thank you so much for this I’ll be meditating on a few things from this.

    P.s I’ve printed out like 3 of those areas of encouragement to put up at work, at home and in my journal.

    God bless my sister:)

    • Alethea Awuku says:

      Wow thanks for your comment lady! Yes it is so so easy to fall into the trap of comparison! I will be writing a post soon of the books that my hubby and I used to study together an keep our minds focused. Aw amazing!! pls send me a pic on Instagram of your posters! That’s so wonderful and encouraging. Glad it is a blessing💕💕

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  • Toyin says:

    God bless you for this timely piece, it’s been something I have thought heavily about and to which the Holy Spirit has been opening my eyes to learn about these subtle yet potentially detrimental. ‘Yeasts’ that us as women can be exploited to in our pursuit of Gods intended plan, as a single woman I’m learning to trust the process and let God continue to prune my identity in him, – it’s not always an easy lesson , when the Holy Spirit exposes carnality but I’m thankful more and more for the revelations and greater desire for Gods will. … I actually intended to message you sepretly (which I’ll still do regarding this subject) as I run a productions company intended to explore & narrate the Gospel through art form and in particular this subject has become the theme of a budding project. Please check it out when you have a moment @i_am_lighthouse productions on all platforms
    But God continue to bless the work of
    Your hands sis.

    • Alethea Awuku says:

      Hey Toyin,
      Thank you for your comment my love.
      Yes trust the process and keep your heart upon Him. He truly is the refiner who shapes us according to His pleasing. You are right that it isn’t always easy! But His grace is sufficient😃
      Wow that’s cool! Sure I will check it out💗💗

  • Bianca says:

    This article is really interesting. I have bookmarked it.
    Do you allow guest post on your blog ? I can provide hi quality articles for
    you. Let me know.

  • Sandra says:

    Why are you now shaming women? I mean yes there are unreasonable women but the majority marries for love and enjoys a day to honor this commitment with the whole family. It is about coming together to celebrate. Your kind of talk is just destroying the good of the celebration.

    • Alethea Awuku says:

      Hi Sandra, thank you for your comment! I apologise if you took the blog post in this way. Shame is a very extreme word to use however. This was not the intention and within the post I actually stated that it is beautiful to be excited about marriage. If you read my previous posts about marriage and my own experience you will see this! What I am encouraging is the focus on the ACTUAL beauty of the relationship- which you have just stated yourself in your own comment, and not just the peripheral things. I am not destroying anything at all. Marriage is not just about “coming together to celebrate”. It is more about the realisation of two people walking into 2 incredibly divine roles, that God recognises, and learning to embrace, and walk with one another in the ups and downs of life. This is what is incredible, not JUST the cake and everything Else We need to shift our preoccupations. While we enjoy the things that make the wedding amazing, our hearts must not be tied to them. If you have a £50 cake or £500 cake is beside the point. The point is whether you would consider your wedding to be less beautiful because your cake was £50. This is encouragement!
      God bless you!

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Alethea Awuku



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